Elena, who's fast approaching her fifth birthday, has discovered some old-fashioned ways of communicating. One is two thumbs up with a cheesy smile and a wink. Nice. Thaks Mr Murray (her music teacher).
The other is a high five. She asked to do it in the bath tonight. It was a bit splashy, but fun. And got me thinking. What's a high five about?
When we're driving up the tiny Ketteringham Road and another car pulls to the side so we can get through (the road is only wide enough for one car at a time, but the countryside is stunning), we wave to the other driver. Nearly every time Elena asks why I waved.
It's for the same reason that when I was leading her, age 3, and Kim's three boys through Wymondham, we put our hand up to the driver who let us go across the pedestrian crossing. I said to the boys, 'Give him a wave.' They all gave big flappy hello waves. It wasn't quite what I had in mind, but made the same point: it's about acknowledging the polite gesture he made.
In most of our interactions there's something else going on besides the words. I've discovered the word for this is 'subtext,' and it's actually the space where our relationships live or die - where we build rapport or destroy our faith in each other.
I haven't thought all of this through, completely, but I'm sure there's something to the high five. If you think back to the people who used to do it - who weren't five years old - and really meant it, for them it was about really being in tune with each other, and understanding where the other was coming from, and sharing sheer delight in being there together.
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